Without hope, there is no recovery

Dr Stephanie Azri is a clinical therapist and best-selling author of self-help books in the area of resilience and positive psychology. While professionally she runs mental health services both in the private and the public sector, personally she has supported many friends and relatives with their own mental health journeys and is passionate about making the world a better place for her five children. Her new book Unlock Your Resilience comes out March 19th 2020.

My experience with mental health started quite young. I recall witnessing some frightening events in my childhood, trying to process multiple suicides over the course of my adolescence, and later as an adult, supporting my daughter and husband with ADD/ADHD. Forty years later, I succeeded with some of these, and failed miserably with some of the others. For a long time, I questioned my role in my loved ones’ resilience until I worked out that these had nothing to do with me. People had to search and find their own hope and meaning before they could heal. That in a sense, without hope there was no recovery.

Many years ago, I stumbled upon a book that changed my perspective about meaning and purpose both in my own life and in the way I translated these notions with patients in therapy. The book was called Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl (1946). In his book, Frankl first provided an account of his life as an Auschwitz prisoner and his observations of the other prisoners during their imprisonment. Essentially, Frankl noted that in the camp, it was difficult to predict who would live and who die (either than the obvious reasons), in other words, who would give up vs who would fight. After a while, the prisoners, in an effort to go through the motion, began to feel desensitized about what was going on in the camp. Frankl described prisoners glancing over the dead with almost no emotions, rushing to grab their shoes or their coat before the bodies had lost heat.  In short, their whole psychology had shifted to give way to apathy, detachment and survival. Frankl labelled this “emotional death”. Now, the interesting part is that for those who caved in to this emotional death, physical declined ensued. Both their mental health and physical health declined, and for many, without a reason to live, death knocked on their door.

The prisoners who had no reason to live could not get through the apathy and despair. However, those who had found a reason to live, and this could be anything, other than being murdered, managed to push through the terrible circumstances. Their reasons ranged from wanting to see a loved one again, wishing to fulfil a dream, finishing a book or having made a promise once upon a time. The reasons people had to define meaning were personal and subjective, but the results were the same. It kept them alive.

According to Frankl, meaning, or a reason to live is what made all the difference. Quoting him “A man who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.” According to his observations and his latter research, Frankl asserted that meaning and purpose is what drives us to survive and thrive in life, and its lack of the same could literally kill us. Focusing on creating meaning in our life is an important way to foster resilience and strength as we go through trials and challenges in our lives. Right now, as you read this, consider some ways you could foster your own resilience? For some, it might be about finally seeking treatment, for others it might be about self-caring or changing their lifestyle. A simple morning walk could make a whole world of difference.

Without a sound purpose, we go through our lives like meaningless robots. We wake up, go to work and enjoy our friends and families, but fail to follow a path that leads us to a much bigger picture. One that takes into consideration our passions, values and personal experiences and shapes them into something that makes sense to us, something that gives us meaning and purpose to live fulfilling lives, show gratitude and accountability for how we tackle the challenges within it. Creating hope and meaning is one of the most powerful ways to fuel resilience and foster hope in ourselves and the people around us.

Don’t under-estimate this. You are special. You deserve hope, meaning and peace. Mental health is a complex issue, but knowing that there is support available and simple coping strategies you could try may make each day a little bit easier.

I hope you found this blog post helpful in some way and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts - let me know over on Twitter @RachelKellyNet