Not the end of the road: Ways to deal with failure
Amanda Jerelyn is the Associate Editor for King Essay. Once she decides something, she seldom changes her mind without a perfectly good reason. She appreciates all the members of her team and acknowledges their contributions.
I keep repeating my lines over and over again as a way to stay calm before my big appearance. I have been practising my lines meticulously during rehearsals when there was no one to watch me. But there might be as many as 250 people in the audience tonight. Mum and Dad are going to be there too, so at least I will be performing for them. These nerves won’t be for nothing after all.
I wait patiently on the sidelines for my signal, and suddenly I’m on stage. So many people are staring at me! The lights are shining brightly… hold on, what’s my line?
Failing means you tried
On that day, the curtains went down on my performing career. Stage fright got the better of me and I’d failed to deliver a quality performance. I felt let down by myself and sorry for the hours I’d put into rehearsals, to no avail.
Still, I felt determined not to let one bad experience hold me back. The reality was, I’d tried and that’s the important bit. So, I found myself a new hobby: public speaking.
I realised that stage fright is something no one can predict. Initially, I started speaking in front of smaller crowds and I noticed I could perform better if I talked about issues which I felt emotionally connected to, instead of the lines of a play.
Avoid excuses and the blame game
Despite dipping my toe into public speaking, the failure to perform on stage that day stayed with me. Although it was a largely negative experience, I gained a positive from it. I learnt that large crowds don’t suit me. I work better with a more intimate group and am less likely to freeze.
I also realised that making excuses or blaming someone wasn’t going to solve any of my problems or make my stage fright go away. If I did blame anybody, my relationship with that person would suffer. It is better to let bygones be bygones.
Dealing with negative emotions
If we pay attention to negative emotions, they can begin to distort what we are truly capable of. Instead of letting failures discourage me, I’m learning to navigate them and feel separate from them. I am not my failures.
I have found it useful to step away from feelings of grief, regret, or sorrow linked with failures. “You begin to feel helpless after failure,” according to Jeff Barnett, the Employee Relations Manager of HR in Crowd Writer. We have to remember that failure does not mean we cannot be successful. It just means we were not successful this time.
Learning from the experience
Whenever we go through failure, we have the choice to be one of two people. The first is the one who regrets their actions and doesn’t find the positives. They might be held back by failure forever more.
The second is the person who takes a step back and asks, what can I learn from this situation? Now I know that this doesn’t work, how can I do things differently to achieve a better outcome? According to Oscar Wilde, “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”
Moving on with confidence
No matter the failure, remember that you are and always will be capable of monumental achievements.
One defeat is not the end of the road. Professionals who earn recognition in any particular field have suffered many setbacks on their way to success. It was their determination and self-confidence that kept them going. You, too, must be unwavering in your belief in yourself.
I hope this blog helped you in some way and I am always keen to hear your thoughts - let me know over on Twitter @RachelKellyNet.