Angie Kenber is a painter, printmaker, teacher and lover of people. Her journey living with depression is a journey of discovery: about her true self, psychology, and human connection. She got in touch with me through my website to share how depression made her feel and what she does now to help her feel calm and well.

I am a painter, printmaker, teacher and lover of people. My journey living with depression is a journey of discovery: about my true self, about psychology, about human connection.

My three central values are: compassion (including self-compassion), connection and creativity.

When I was in the grip of a depressive episode, I felt trapped inside myself. The outside was too constricting, my environment, my past, my future all closing me in. Hidden shame, insecurity, guilt, a feeling that I was never going to be ‘me’. My body like a laced-up corset. The rules and values of others perennially, not mine: seemingly no way to escape them.

Therapy and self-care techniques gradually helped me to turn myself inside out – like turning back an orange quarter to reveal the flesh of the orange. The real me, fresh, innocent, vulnerable and most importantly free. A lifelong step. No turning back – thank ‘a higher power’ for that – handing the baton of validation over to me. For me. About me.

My first tool is always meditation. I sit or lie and ‘come back to myself’. I regain control over my life. I concentrate on my breathing and slightly open my mouth to relax my jaw, my neck. I put down my ‘suitcases of baggage’ either side of me. I carry on until I am calm – or until I fall into a light sleep.

This totally refreshes me. It puts me back into the centre of my life: I am again Me, my voice is acknowledged, I am at the beginning of the next stage of my life, even if it’s just a few minutes later.. I ‘hug’ myself. I can look after myself, refresh myself. I stop and BE. Accepting who I am and everything that is going on in that moment.

This is my first tool. I can take it anywhere. I can shorten or lengthen it. I become myself again.

I hope you found this blog post helpful in some way and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts - let me know over on Twitter @RachelKellyNet. If you have a story or piece of writing you’d like to submit about your experience with mental health and what helps you, please get in touch.

You can find out more about Angie on her website or Instagram.

Depression made me feel trapped inside myself